So with just one day to go and with the emails pouring in desperately asking us to let the Fringe nation know where to cast their votes, it is time for us to call the ’08 US election. It hasn’t been easy, between Tony’s complete indifference to anything that doesn’t involve wine, women and song and my innate distrust of big government we’ve spent many sleepless minutes pondering our choice and the great responsibility that you, the reader, has placed in our hands.
On the one hand we have the Obamessiah, he likes Omar, he can casually drop a Jay-Z reference into his speeches and he’s all for lots of non-specific feel good things like HOPE and CHANGE. Then on the other we have Hanoi John, a man so maverick we half expected him to pick Goose as his VP, who posesses a hilarious flair for witty one line put downs and who would be one pretzel away from dumping a moose killing MILF into the hot seat.
It’s a tough one, though we have to admit we’ve enjoyed the past few months of outrageous lies, hilarious faux outrage, youtube videos of meth hooked hillbillies slurring their support/disdain (delete as appropriate) for each of the candidates and our colonial cousins hilarious definition of what makes a socialist. But there’s comes a time when you have to say enough is enough and take a stand, so without further ado we can announce that the official Slutty Fringe candidate for ruler of the free world is…
Yep, we’re calling it for the big O, would we even have had the cojones to say otherwise? Unlikely, especially with his lead in the polls just about hanging steady.
Still, despite my belief that anyone in a position to claim Earth’s crown has probably already been fatally compromised by all the greasy poll climbing they’ve had to do, it is Obama who, should he pop his collar on the steps of the White House this week, would more likely inspire not just the citzens of America, but good looking people all over the planet, ushering in a new golden age of peace, happiness, unicorns and rainbows.
Of course saying that we could just as easily end up with 8 years of protectionist policies, redneck riots and isolationism, punctuated only by the odd first strike on Pakistan, in which case Slutty Fringe accepts no responsibility whatsoever and always wanted Ron Paul to win anyway.
We leave you with an apt slice of classic mid-eighties disco funk Bonzo Goes To Washington’s ‘5 Minutes’.
Good luck America, now go vote!